a week in greece

Well, goodness me. Greece. What an adventure.

It certainly had its ups and downs and gosh did I learn some important lessons! I had some pretty powerful revelations.. 

But I had a really positive time visiting Thessaloniki.

I was very disorganised for this trip. Had my tickets and a couch to surf on, and that was it. No plans, I didn't do any research about Thessaloniki in itself - I had rough ideas about visiting some of the surrounding towns and villages.. I didn't know much of the language and the Greek alphabet, well that is completely new to me!

Anyway - I arrived at the airport, excited, and was greeted by my fantastic CS host Aleksandros. We spent a lot of time together over the week and had a lot of laughs. The first couple of days Aleks showed me around the city. We visited the old part and I really enjoyed looking at all the architecture and old abandoned buildings. Aleks was slightly confused about my desire to explore all these places, but he took me to some beautiful houses and patiently waited as I snapped away on my camera. We went to Edessa on the train and visited beautiful waterfalls in the pouring rain. We met lovely Maria (a German vegan CS girl living in the city) who took us to a delicious little vegan Spanish bar. We visited some amazing churches - I love how important faith and religion is in Greece, it really unites a lot people. Spending time observing prayer and communion in church was wonderful - there is such an overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude. (I don't consider myself to be religious or to have a religion, but there's a lot of energy in places of worship and I appreciate that spiritual connection people find.)

But I did also struggle in Greece. I thought perhaps it was because I had been disorganised and was annoyed at myself for 'wasting' my opportunity in this country. Or because I felt vulnerable being by myself for the first time and I was scared of getting lost... Or maybe because I have been travelling a lot lately (and travelling by myself) and maybe I was just tired and didn't have the energy and enthusiasm of a travel companion to perk me up... But ... I was reading a very powerful book while I was in Greece. (Ask me about it.) It only has 7 chapters, lessons rather. As I was reading I was finding a lot of truth and also a lot of sadness. A lot of questions.. Each chapter challenged me to think. To think about myself and my happiness and my impact on the world and the people in it. My goals and aspirations and desires. My purpose in this life. Big questions that aren't that easy to answer.

As I read, I was going on a bit of an emotional roller coaster. In each chapter I was going on the ride again - start to finish, with all its ups and downs, and twists and turns.. The excitement of my trips away is slightly tainted by the looming departure date from England. The date when I actually leave, when my visa runs out. This has been on my mind a lot. It just doesn't feel like I have a time limit. I live in Brighton, that is where I am meant to be. It's not possible for me to be here legally one day and illegally the next...that doesn't make sense. This is home. I can't just be thrown out...

But I can. And I will be. As excited as I am to be travelling to India with my friend Joel, and then heading back to Australia, I don't know if I'm ready to live in Australia again, yet. And this has been on my mind for a while. One positive thing that has come from having a time limit here is the realisation that I need to make the most of being here while I am. That's been a bit of a wake up call. Now that I know I have to go, I am discovering Brighton again. And every time I go away, I really look forward to coming back to Brighton because there's all these things I'm involved with, all these people I love, all these places wonderful places on my doorstep.

So, whilst reading this book and questioning myself about what I want out of life, what kind of things I'm good at, what direction to take next, Brighton is calling me, and saying "hey, I've got these things for you, I can feed that hunger for new and exciting things, I can harness those skills and put them to good use, I can teach you and I can bring you happiness and purpose." Oh. Okay...

Now, this all sounds positive and as if I've now got it all sorted out - and now, now that I've had a week back in Brighton, I am feeling more sorted. But at the time, I was not sorted - far from it. I was freaking out. Unsure about who I am, what I want. Feeling ridiculously, irrationally insecure (to the point that I could not leave the house). Going outside terrified me. People. People would look at me. Judge me. I'm imperfect. What would they think? What would they say? So I got myself into a bit of state. In hindsight, being in Greece, away from my closest friends and my family whom I confide in (and can usually chat to instantly and in person) was such a blessing. Yes, I received messages of advice from my friends and family, but for the most part, it was me that needed to take these issues by the horns and understand them or they were going to absolutely destroy me.

The fear of leaving the house actually played an important role here. Being (feeling) cooped up in this little flat in Thessaloniki with a pad of paper, the book and not many other distractions meant I wrote - a lot. Mostly in letter form, although I don't know who the recipient was ... maybe me?

I tried to tackle my biggest insecurity - judgement. I am completely terrified of humans. The way we judge each other so critically, at face value, with absolutely NO idea about a person's background, history, experiences, perspective... And I catch myself doing it. Once you start noticing it, you realise how much you do it, even subconsciously. I am an incredibly harsh critic - my goodness horrible thoughts go through my head. And that is the stem of my insecurity... It's a cycle - I feel insecure so I judge people to make myself feel better, but in doing that I feel guilty for being judgemental and feel worse and because I am angry I judge more and all that bad energy is swilling around me and people feel it. I feel it. So I am really actively trying not to judge. If I catch myself about to judge or criticise anything or anyone, I just say in my head "Today I will practice non-judgement." And I repeat it until the urge to judge has dissipated. (I cannot take the credit for this at all - Depak Chopra taught me this. I have been told not to judge before, but I was not listening, not open. Or maybe it's just the way Depak Chopra writes...concise, honest, engaging...)

I have to thank my wonderful friend Tiana for showing me her copy of this book that changed my life. And also for the chat we had when I was in Greece which made me feel a hell of a lot better. And I have to thank Henry for listening to me freak out and comforting me, especially when I heard about the German Wings plane crash and was so petrified that the same thing would happen on my flight home from Greece. I have to thank my parents for just always being there, on the other side of the world, but 'there' nonetheless. And of course to my CS host Aleks for putting up with me while I was sorting all these things out in my head!

For me, the week in Greece was tough - but only positive things came from it. I know which direction my life is taking now. I know where I want to be. And I feel happier and more grateful than ever for all the good and bad, because everything is an opportunity to learn. So, now that I have got that off my chest, enjoy some snaps from Thessaloniki and Edessa. Much love! xxx

The view of the city from the Castle.

The best abandoned building we found - 360 degree view of the city.

Homeless Russian man.

Trifon. He didn't speak a word of English, I didn't speak a word of Greek. He wondered why I was photography old, empty buildings. He shrugged "why" and said "kaput!" Wish I captured his infectious smile!

Aleks. The Dude!

Edessa.

Edessa.

Edessa.

Edessa.

From underneath the waterfall.