Friday 10 January 2014

welcome to 2014 - changes, more changes

So I haven't written for a while - life has been pretty hectic. I've been to Wales, Devon and London over Christmas and the New Year, and had a ball. I feel too overwhelmed/motivated (funny mix..) to go into detail about the past couple of months, but there are a few things I'd like to touch on in this post, mostly things I've already written about in my journal and will add to this blog. (I have a little book I take everywhere with me to jot down notes, feelings, words, sketches..etc etc) 

Firstly, it is 2014 - happy new year!
I dislike New Years Resolutions but I have made a sort of 'to do' or 'to NOT do' list.. basically some changes that I want to happen in my life:

- get a part time job (just enough money to pay for food and rent and maybe a little on the side for things I care about)
- use my phone/internet less (there's real people to interact with!)
- read more
- do more yoga/stretching
- join a football club
- watch a live football match
- hitch hike more (Ireland??)
- [go skiing (Switzerland??)]
- go couch surfing
- [get a camera]
- busk
- keep learning the ukulele
- perfect acro so that we can perform!
- be more mindful and more generous
- continue writing & experimenting with spoken word, poetry, stories, etc


Wales

I went to Wales with my friend Matt who was doing a canoeing/kayaking course. We stayed with a beautiful woman called Helen, and met some truly wonderful people up there.

I really loved going to Wales, knowing that I would be exploring by myself, but also having no plans. I think it was really good for me to wander. I walked, I chatted to strangers, I took photos of sheep. I sang a lot. I visited castle ruins, I went to vintage shops, community galleries, mountain ranges. It was so refreshing to be outside in the cold and wind and rain. We stayed for longer than intended, extending our time day by day. I feel like I only just scratched the surface - there's so much more to explore up there around Llangollen/Llanberis/Snowdonia and I fully intend to visit again with a pair of hiking boots and a waterproof jacket, and probably a big group of friends.
  

Christmas in Devon

We hitchhiked to Devon, the first proper hitchhiking I've done. We had such a successful day, had four lifts with really interesting people, and made it in just over 6 hours (which is really good time!)

Devon was rainy, cold and muddy. I spent Christmas morning shovelling horse shit and muddy hay into a wheel barrow. I ripped my best skirt and tore the buttons off my vest. A horse bit my nipple and we didn't shower for days.  And I absolutely loved it. It was so nice to see the stars at night, and be surrounded by open space and green fields.

Over Christmas I started thinking about presents, and wants and needs. There wasn't really anything I wanted. Or needed this year. I'm pretty content with life. I was not expecting gifts. And I had no gifts to give either. And that was fine. Enjoyable. We exchanged food, and laughter and presence. And that was enough. (Although, I do tell a lie -  I received a pair of thermal tights and a pair of gloves, both very useable presents which I appreciated a lot!) But it just made me realise how nice it is not to waste anything. I am a bit of a hoarder, and a bit stingy I guess. I keep all the paper and string and ribbon and reuse it. I collect cardboard and paper and bubble wrap. I keep small pieces of twine that don't seem to be of any use. And when I posted some things home to Australia I didn't have to buy anything except stamps. I like that.

Something else I became super aware of was seeing people posting photos of all the gifts they received on Facebook/instagram/social media. Even if it was only posted because they felt spoilt or lucky or wanted to give thanks, I find it unnecessary. Yes, we all like to be spoilt; it is lovely to receive gifts, but its also really nice to just appreciate it without involving everyone on social media. I'm definitely not exempt from this. I've certainly done this before - I know that I overshare too. It's easy to forget that people see these things we post, it does not just disappear into that abyss that is the internet. This year I want to be more aware of that, and just be a bit less public (which seems contradictory since I'm writing a blog to be posted on the internet, which is accessible to all!) But that is something for me to work on!




London

I spent a few days in London over the New Year with my oldest friend Beth and her family. As much fun as I had there, I know that London is not the place for me! Its too rushed, too stressful, too normal! I felt that I had to sort of suppress myself, still be me, but be this different version. It just made me realise that I am truly happy and comfortable in Brighton. I'm not living a lifestyle that is considered normal - finish school, go to uni, get a job…etc etc. BORING! For me. Its just not what I want to be doing. I've found better things, things that test me and challenge me and make me happy in different ways. I'm learning more here than I think I would be if I was studying at a university. I think you should study something that you are interested in. And I'm interested in LIFE, in living! I am studying that. And I might not be getting A-grades, but I'm definitely learning a lot. This works for me. Just like university works for other people. It's all good. I think we need to trust more. Trust each other, trust our decisions. Accept that we are all different. And different things work for different people. Believe that the journey is just as important, if not more important than the destination. And this journey is absolutely amazing. Go with the flow, bro.


It's good to be home. Brighton is home.

Since I've been back

I've been playing my ukulele; I've been singing, dancing, frolicking in the park; climbing trees; rolling around in the mud; making hummus. My friends from Australia came and stayed for a while. And it was just so nice. I knew it would be good, but it was just even better than I imagined. It was lovely to reminisce. To remember, to laugh. And to do new things. I really enjoyed showing them around Brighton. Having them in my home. It really was a blessing. And I was proud to introduce them to my new friends, and introduce my new friends to them. Because they're all such great people. 

I've been getting involved in some cool projects. 
My friend Tiana had an idea to get photos of naked women doing every day things (cleaning our teeth, climbing a tree, cooking…). Images that show our imperfections, that don't sexualise us. That just show us raw, organic and beautiful as we are. I'm keen to do this. It will be great to love my body, because it isn't perfect. Who even has a perfect body? And who are we to say that one body is better or more beautiful than another? Being different is beautiful. 

Luke and Charlie have been working hard on an amazing project that is really starting to take off, after years of planning and testing and tweaking and changing. (And this process is still going, its ever-changing!) I've been trying to understand Change The Future better. It is consuming them, but in a healthy and inspiring way. Our house is bubbling with ideas, overflowing with people and full of laughter and fun and home cooked food. We're all involved in some way or another, whether we mean to be or not. But its becoming pretty apparent that everyone has something offer. Whether it be coordinating events, helping with fundraising… cooking the dinner! Watch this space, its going to be huge. This IS going to change the future. And it is going to be mind blowing.

I am still pursuing my interests with circus and circus related things. I've been meeting new people who are interested in learning and teaching, and that motivates me to continue following this passion. But I am also doing new things! Experimenting, exploring and believing that I can! I wrote a spoken word piece, my first spoken word piece. Inspired, to an extent, by my housemate Lula, who is amazing with words and performance. Have a look at Lula's spoken word here!

So I'm finishing the blog with my spoken word piece. I have been sitting in the Emporium Cafe round the corner from my house for about four hours now, and am starting to feel a bit fidgety and peckish. Its time to go home and eat. And move around. Maybe do some stretches. And not be starring at a screen! I might even pick up my ukulele. Or continue reading my book. Or sew the patches onto my clothes that I ripped. Until next time. x

I moved to the sea
Where I’m happy and free
Where I can be ME
And I can just BE
Who I want to be, Yes, I can be free.

Not confined, not constrained
Cause that causes me pain
And I must explain,
It might seem mundane, 
But I must regain
Some spark, some spice...something that’s nice

I must find the hunger, while I’m still younger

Let’s be tested, be challenged, be questioned, find balance,
Be pushed, be pulled, be tricked, be fooled

But all the while learning,
And finding that yearning,
I’m feeling that burning,
And now I am turning...

To you... 

For support,
To teach, to be taught

Now I know I might snort,
And my face might contort
And then you will thwart,

What I thought that I knew,
Cause you can see through,
And what will ensue,
Is a brand new world view

I can’t thank you enough
Cause I know that its tough
Explaining that stuff
Without being gruff
But now I am...Chuffed

I’ve opened my eyes,
I’ve removed my disguise,
I’m feeling alive,
And now I can dive...
Into LIFE

Let’s be generous, humorous, glamorous, amorous.

So let us join forces, 
Let us be the sources, 
The one who enforces,
The use of resources

But we must be cautious

We’re insightful,
Not spiteful,
Cause life is delightful

Don’t be evil, harmful, hateful, hurtful
Be joyful, be mindful

We must arrange, to be the change
No firing range, no stock exchange
A mountain range, a corn exchange

So join together,
No matter the weather,
Together we tether,

A life that is BETTER