a visit to the republic of ireland

recently, i went to southern ireland with no plans, my camera & a change of clothes.

She said "You have weird hobbies" and I stopped and thought for a moment. Yes, I suppose I do have quite strange hobbies and interests. Much of my time in Ireland has been spent climbing over fences into abandoned buildings and exploring and taking photos and imagining times gone by. Everywhere I have travelled I have spent time in cemeteries, reading the grave stones, conjuring up pictures of those who have left us in my head. Imagining the families left behind. I find it fascinating to be given a name and a date and then you can just let your imagination do the rest. It's the same with abandoned, falling down, dilapidated buildings - you get this little insight into what once was, and you can almost see it in its glory days. And then you see it fast forward over time to what it is now.. deteriorated, left, abandoned, disused, not needed anymore. What happened? Why was it left? What stories come from inside? Who worked there? 

I love travelling alone, to funny little places, falling down areas, farmland, old industrial towns.. There's always things to look at. You don't have to deal with hundreds of tourists; it is cheap as chips (especially if you're couch surfing) and there's so much time and space - no queues, no tickets for entry. Not many restrictions at all. Perhaps it is a tad selfish, wanting to travel this way, but I guess at the same time as giving me a huge amount of freedom, it also tests my capability as a solo traveller, and also as a person. It is funny - I have times where I crave solitude, but also times where I want nothing more than to be with people, interacting, engaging, conversing.. I guess travelling alone actually does, in a funny way, make you need to speak to strangers more, whether it be asking for directions or hitching or finding a place to stay, through couch surfing or other ways.. It pushes you into interacting with strangers out of necessity, rather than being isolated in your travelling group. And I like that. It gives you the opportunity to make quite solid connections quite quickly and then you move on. You might keep in contact, you might not. But from my experience, the memories are fond ones and will stick with me for years to come.

The first portrait below is of a lovely Irishman named Micheál. I wandered into his second hand book shop in Ballinasloe.. The first thing he did was offer me a cup of tea, which I gladly accepted. He reminded me a bit of Billy Connolly with his big moustache and long grey hair and his animated way of speaking - with such enthusiasm! I have to say, there was a bit of confusion on my part for a significant portion of our 2 hour long conversation! I struggled with the accent a bit. He spoke very quickly - but I had no trouble understanding him when he referred to the "feckin bastards!" He told me all about his travels to Australia and about friends who had come back to visit him. He told me about his Irish heritage and things he used to do as a child ("ooh how the times have changed.."). He told me about his boat and about his grown up children, with such pride. He let me take his photo and gave me his business card. And when I went to purchase the book I'd been looking at he just said, "have it, it's been grand chattin' to ya!" We shook hands and parted ways. But it wouldn't surprise me if we ran into each other again somewhere along the way...

portraits || clara / ballinasloe / dublin

Micheál, The Oat Gallery, Ballinasloe

Woman, Dublin

Street Performer, Dublin
Performing songs by Edith Piaf

Busker, Dublin

Self Portrait, Ballinasloe

inchmore house, clara || abandoned stately home

wanderings || clara & ballinasloe

Abandoned Mill, Clara

St Brigid's Hospital
"Lunatic Asylum"

Abandoned Warehouse, Ballinasloe

Abandoned Warehouse, Ballinasloe

House, Ballinasloe

St Brigid's Hospital, Ballinasloe
"Lunatic Asylum"

Opposite St Brigid's Hospital, Ballinasloe

St Brigid's Hospital, Ballinasloe

Derelict Building, Clara

In the dark of the morning, before the sun had risen, I was on a train back to Dublin from Clara.

Mist is rising over the frosty fields. The sky is just becoming light with tones of orange and purple - a beautiful backdrop for the silhouettes of cows and trees and barbed wire fences. We are plunged into darkness when trees line the tracks and then emerge back out into the light as the foliage peters out. Part of me wants to get my camera out. But the photos wouldn't do it justice. I think I will just have to enjoy it.

And once the sun was up, I did get my camera out!

Thanks for reading!

welcome to 2014 - changes, more changes

So I haven't written for a while - life has been pretty hectic. I've been to Wales, Devon and London over Christmas and the New Year, and had a ball. I feel too overwhelmed/motivated (funny mix..) to go into detail about the past couple of months, but there are a few things I'd like to touch on in this post, mostly things I've already written about in my journal and will add to this blog. (I have a little book I take everywhere with me to jot down notes, feelings, words, sketches..etc etc) 

Firstly, it is 2014 - happy new year!

I dislike New Years Resolutions but I have made a sort of 'to do' or 'to NOT do' list.. basically some changes that I want to happen in my life:

- get a part time job (just enough money to pay for food and rent and maybe a little on the side for things I care about)

- use my phone/internet less (there's real people to interact with!)

- read more

- do more yoga/stretching

- join a football club

- watch a live football match

- hitch hike more (Ireland??)

- [go skiing (Switzerland??)]

- go couch surfing

- [get a camera]

- busk

- keep learning the ukulele

- perfect acro so that we can perform!

- be more mindful and more generous

- continue writing & experimenting with spoken word, poetry, stories, etc

Wales

I went to Wales with my friend Matt who was doing a canoeing/kayaking course. We stayed with a beautiful woman called Helen, and met some truly wonderful people up there.

I really loved going to Wales, knowing that I would be exploring by myself, but also having no plans. I think it was really good for me to wander. I walked, I chatted to strangers, I took photos of sheep. I sang a lot. I visited castle ruins, I went to vintage shops, community galleries, mountain ranges. It was so refreshing to be outside in the cold and wind and rain. We stayed for longer than intended, extending our time day by day. I feel like I only just scratched the surface - there's so much more to explore up there around Llangollen/Llanberis/Snowdonia and I fully intend to visit again with a pair of hiking boots and a waterproof jacket, and probably a big group of friends.

  

Christmas in Devon

We hitchhiked to Devon, the first proper hitchhiking I've done. We had such a successful day, had four lifts with really interesting people, and made it in just over 6 hours (which is really good time!)

Devon was rainy, cold and muddy. I spent Christmas morning shovelling horse shit and muddy hay into a wheel barrow. I ripped my best skirt and tore the buttons off my vest. A horse bit my nipple and we didn't shower for days.  And I absolutely loved it. It was so nice to see the stars at night, and be surrounded by open space and green fields.

Over Christmas I started thinking about presents, and wants and needs. There wasn't really anything I wanted. Or needed this year. I'm pretty content with life. I was not expecting gifts. And I had no gifts to give either. And that was fine. Enjoyable. We exchanged food, and laughter and presence. And that was enough. (Although, I do tell a lie -  I received a pair of thermal tights and a pair of gloves, both very useable presents which I appreciated a lot!) But it just made me realise how nice it is not to waste anything. I am a bit of a hoarder, and a bit stingy I guess. I keep all the paper and string and ribbon and reuse it. I collect cardboard and paper and bubble wrap. I keep small pieces of twine that don't seem to be of any use. And when I posted some things home to Australia I didn't have to buy anything except stamps. I like that.

Something else I became super aware of was seeing people posting photos of all the gifts they received on Facebook/instagram/social media. Even if it was only posted because they felt spoilt or lucky or wanted to give thanks, I find it unnecessary. Yes, we all like to be spoilt; it is lovely to receive gifts, but its also really nice to just appreciate it without involving everyone on social media. I'm definitely not exempt from this. I've certainly done this before - I know that I overshare too. It's easy to forget that people see these things we post, it does not just disappear into that abyss that is the internet. This year I want to be more aware of that, and just be a bit less public (which seems contradictory since I'm writing a blog to be posted on the internet, which is accessible to all!) But that is something for me to work on!

London

I spent a few days in London over the New Year with my oldest friend Beth and her family. As much fun as I had there, I know that London is not the place for me! Its too rushed, too stressful, too normal! I felt that I had to sort of suppress myself, still be me, but be this different version. It just made me realise that I am truly happy and comfortable in Brighton. I'm not living a lifestyle that is considered normal - finish school, go to uni, get a job…etc etc. BORING! For me. Its just not what I want to be doing. I've found better things, things that test me and challenge me and make me happy in different ways. I'm learning more here than I think I would be if I was studying at a university. I think you should study something that you are interested in. And I'm interested in LIFE, in living! I am studying that. And I might not be getting A-grades, but I'm definitely learning a lot. This works for me. Just like university works for other people. It's all good. I think we need to trust more. Trust each other, trust our decisions. Accept that we are all different. And different things work for different people. Believe that the journey is just as important, if not more important than the destination. And this journey is absolutely amazing. Go with the flow, bro.

It's good to be home. Brighton is home.

Since I've been back…

I've been playing my ukulele; I've been singing, dancing, frolicking in the park; climbing trees; rolling around in the mud; making hummus. My friends from Australia came and stayed for a while. And it was just so nice. I knew it would be good, but it was just even better than I imagined. It was lovely to reminisce. To remember, to laugh. And to do new things. I really enjoyed showing them around Brighton. Having them in my home. It really was a blessing. And I was proud to introduce them to my new friends, and introduce my new friends to them. Because they're all such great people. 

I've been getting involved in some cool projects. 

My friend Tiana had an idea to get photos of naked women doing every day things (cleaning our teeth, climbing a tree, cooking…). Images that show our imperfections, that don't sexualise us. That just show us raw, organic and beautiful as we are. I'm keen to do this. It will be great to love my body, because it isn't perfect. Who even has a perfect body? And who are we to say that one body is better or more beautiful than another? Being different is beautiful. 

Luke and Charlie have been working hard on an amazing project that is really starting to take off, after years of planning and testing and tweaking and changing. (And this process is still going, its ever-changing!) I've been trying to understand Change The Future better. It is consuming them, but in a healthy and inspiring way. Our house is bubbling with ideas, overflowing with people and full of laughter and fun and home cooked food. We're all involved in some way or another, whether we mean to be or not. But its becoming pretty apparent that everyone has something offer. Whether it be coordinating events, helping with fundraising… cooking the dinner! Watch this space, its going to be huge. This IS going to change the future. And it is going to be mind blowing.

I am still pursuing my interests with circus and circus related things. I've been meeting new people who are interested in learning and teaching, and that motivates me to continue following this passion. But I am also doing new things! Experimenting, exploring and believing that I can! I wrote a spoken word piece, my first spoken word piece. Inspired, to an extent, by my housemate Lula, who is amazing with words and performance. Have a look at Lula's spoken word here!

So I'm finishing the blog with my spoken word piece. I have been sitting in the Emporium Cafe round the corner from my house for about four hours now, and am starting to feel a bit fidgety and peckish. Its time to go home and eat. And move around. Maybe do some stretches. And not be starring at a screen! I might even pick up my ukulele. Or continue reading my book. Or sew the patches onto my clothes that I ripped. Until next time. x

I moved to the sea

Where I’m happy and free

Where I can be ME

And I can just BE

Who I want to be, Yes, I can be free.

Not confined, not constrained

Cause that causes me pain

And I must explain,

It might seem mundane, 

But I must regain

Some spark, some spice...something that’s nice

I must find the hunger, while I’m still younger

Let’s be tested, be challenged, be questioned, find balance,

Be pushed, be pulled, be tricked, be fooled

But all the while learning,

And finding that yearning,

I’m feeling that burning,

And now I am turning...

To you... 

For support,

To teach, to be taught

Now I know I might snort,

And my face might contort

And then you will thwart,

What I thought that I knew,

Cause you can see through,

And what will ensue,

Is a brand new world view

I can’t thank you enough

Cause I know that its tough

Explaining that stuff

Without being gruff

But now I am...Chuffed

I’ve opened my eyes,

I’ve removed my disguise,

I’m feeling alive,

And now I can dive...

Into LIFE

Let’s be generous, humorous, glamorous, amorous.

So let us join forces, 

Let us be the sources, 

The one who enforces,

The use of resources

But we must be cautious

We’re insightful,

Not spiteful,

Cause life is delightful

Don’t be evil, harmful, hateful, hurtful

Be joyful, be mindful

We must arrange, to be the change

No firing range, no stock exchange

A mountain range, a corn exchange

So join together,

No matter the weather,

Together we tether,

A life that is BETTER