the next adventure: bonny scotland

This last week has made me very appreciative. 

Cups of tea. Home made food. Walking, exploring. Building, learning. Sharing, listening, conversing, story telling. Music -- jamming, improvising, watching. Enjoying. Appreciating. Resting. Reflecting. 

I’ve met and stayed with some of the most welcoming and hospitable people. I’ve been fed and given a nice warm place to sleep; included in daily life and tasks and conversation. It is really nice to be involved and to feel like your input is valued. At both Tangleha House, St Cyrus and Inshriach House, Aviemore there’s always things happening, always plans to bring to fruition, whether it be building a deck or a greenhouse or feeding sheep or cooking for everyone. 

I’ve really enjoyed being outside again - even though the weather has been pretty chilly and, at times, snowy. This area is magnificent. Bonny Scotland is nay bad at all. The combination of genuine, like-minded people and delicious food in a truly beautiful location plus having dogs to snuggle up with and a fire to sit in front of makes me very content.


Here are some snaps from the past week. Enjoy xx



Tangleha House, St Cyrus

Cairngorm National Park & Inshriach House, Aviemore

Driving from Montrose to Aviemore through Cairngorm National Park

Photo by Martin Canale

My excellent travel companion

Wandering through the woods on Inshriach Estate

Frozen lake

The wood pile

Helping to build the greenhouse.
Photo by Martin Canale

Dream come true -- waking up to a thick layer of snow outside!
Photo by Martin Canale

Gin is made here

Martin

Where I’m At || Simple Living || Slowing Down

I wake up, open my eyes and see the blue pre-dawn light above me. Birds are waking too. I can hear them calling to each other. The ducks are chatting as well. And then during the day they continue conversing sporadically in that language of theirs. At night I hear owls just outside, so close to me. I hear the wood burner crackling. The water in the kettle heating to boiling temperature, ever so slowly. Then eventually the urgent, panicked whistle. I will have a cup of tea in an hour or so. I hear wind in the trees and their branches tapping gently on my window. I see the bright red glow of the embers in the burner through the three small opaque windows at the front. In the warm light of the morning I lie in my bed and look up through the window in the roof and watch the way the leaves and branches move in the breeze. 

Have you ever given yourself the time to just sit and watch and listen, with no distractions? 

Everything is worth watching. I am learning how to appreciate the most simple things again. It’s okay to feel child-like and be in awe of a leaf or a blade of grass or the squelch of mud underfoot. Slow down. 

I smell wood fire smoke. I smell incense. I smell ginger and garlic, sizzling slowly in my cast iron pan. I smell mud and rain. I smell liquorice tea, a new discovery for me as I usually don’t like liquorice. I feel warm on the inside and on the outside. (Is it the tea, the fire? Is it contentedness?  Or is it a combination?) There is something so comforting about being a bit disconnected. I feel like for the last few months I have been taking a big, deep breath in, and now being here, I am able to breath out with a big sigh of relief and relax.

I have been reminded of patience. I am enjoying the fact that nothing here is instant, and more than that, I can see the process happening in front of me. Chopping wood. Cleaning the ashes out of the burner. Lighting the fire. Waiting for it to heat up the truck, waiting for the kettle to boil, waiting for dinner to cook slowly. Filling up my water container. Reading and writing by candle-light. Re-using everything! (I’m collecting all the plastic I use while I’m in the truck to see how much I use and how much I can improve.) I am really trying to live more simply, more consciously, more appreciatively. It makes you realise how much we don't need things. We don’t need to wash our clothes as much. We don't need to shower so often. We don’t need screens. No TVs, phones, laptops! We don't need internet at our fingertips. We don’t need electricity. These things are useful but not necessities. There are always alternative ways of doing things. 

I am enjoying this life. I have more time and more freedom. I feel more free. I felt claustrophobic in Brighton. And I also felt a bit lonely. I was surrounded by people and things to do and see. But I still felt lonely. Overwhelmed. Here, in the truck, I am alone, but not lonely. I have no expectations here. It is how it is. I am happy to just be. 

I am so thankful for the experiences I have had over the last year. I am now understanding myself more. I need my own space. I need to spend time alone. I like hands on things. I enjoy chopping wood for a fire. I enjoy going to collect water. I enjoy slow-cooking. I enjoy waiting for the kettle to boil to have a cup of tea. I enjoy living out of town. I enjoy getting up half an hour earlier and driving to work. 

I’ve come full circle. This is how I grew up. Simply. Slowly. It is familiar. It is comforting. And it is how I want to continue to live. I am making plans in my head. Things to do when I return to Australia. And happiness is my priority.

Black & White Snaps.

Colour Photographs.

money and it's value

I am good with money. I always have been. But recently I have been struggling. Not a huge amount, but enough that I have had to borrow some. And it has made me think about it's value. I love working and getting that pay cheque and feeling proud that I've earned it. But then it doesn't seem to go very far. After rent and bills and travel expenses to and from work and food and my donations to a couple of charities and unavoidable, unexpected things that happen, there doesn't seem to be much left. And then what about treating myself, or treating other people? What about saving for upcoming travels and trips and holidays? After all I am on a working holiday. I don't spend money on alcohol, I usually settle for water. I don't eat out very often. I don't go shopping very often. Occasionally I pick up something nice from a charity shop. A significant portion of my money seems to go towards food, but that is important and something that I take great delight in. My diet is the best it has ever been. (And according to recent blood tests I am totally healthy so I must be doing something right there!)

I guess I feel like I work a lot and I work hard at my jobs. And I love them. It costs me between £3.50 and £10.50 to get to and from work, which doesn't seem like much in the scheme of things, but it all adds up. And maybe I shouldn't have accepted a job where I have to pay to get there, but 15 miles is slightly too far to cycle. You seem to have to make a choice between earning enough money to live and a finding a job you actually enjoy. I feel blessed to have the jobs I do and to have the flexibility I have with them as well. But it is always a slightly stressful time when rent is due. 

The hard part about my care jobs is that they are shift work so I find myself filling in time or working overtime for free (which I am certainly not complaining about, because often my 'work' just feels like hanging out with friends anyway or cooking or cleaning or folding washing which I enjoy!) but then I come home feeling like I have been working for 12 hours straight and I'm only get paid for 8 hours, and then I have to take into account travel expenses too. My babysitting job is good, I cycle there so I don't have to worry about paying for public transport. But that fluctuates. Some weeks I might have 3 shifts of 4 hours. Other weeks I might have nothing. So I don't really look at it as a reliable income, I just see it as some extra money on the side.

So the problem of paying for public transport. Firstly, it is not possible for my employers to cover my travel expenses (we have looked into this). Another problem with public transport is that it is UNreliable! The amount of times I have been late to work because my train has been delayed or cancelled or whatever! My answer to this is to problem is to (unfortunately) not use public transport. I have been looking into getting a scooter/motorcycle license. Again, an expensive thing to do (£90 and 3 days to do my CBT course). And first, I have to exchange my Australian license to a UK license (about £50!) And then there is the cost of buying a scooter or bike, getting insurance and storing it somewhere or paying for street parking! It's a tough one. But something I am seriously considering.

Travelling and holidays are something I should be doing while I am here. I am on a Working Holiday VISA and I intend to do lots of both those things, and enjoy them! I have a few exciting trips coming up, and if I follow my current trend of spending (based on past little getaways) then I shouldn't need to spend a huge amount of money. But still, it is money. I've got little jars where I put spare pennies. I try not to rely on my debit card and only use the cash I withdraw to pay for food and travel, but obviously that is not always possible. 

The good thing about not having much money is that you really learn to prioritise. And you find ways of doing things that cost less. Couch surfing instead of paying for accommodation, lift sharing instead of paying for transport, bin raiding for extra food, learning to fix your bike yourself instead of paying for someone else to tinker with it, taking a packed lunch instead of buying food, having clothes swaps with your friends instead of going on shopping sprees for a new wardrobe, making your own cleaning products instead of buying them, buying food in bulk/from wholesalers/farmers markets, using Freecycle or the Freebies section of Gumtree, getting your hair cut for free as a 'hair model' for trainee hairdressers... (Fun fact, I have only bought shampoo twice since I left Australia!)

So I feel like I am good when it comes to money. But the cost of living is just so ridiculous. I still want to be able to enjoy myself and unfortunately sometimes spending money is inevitable. But I am still so lucky to be pretty much financially free and have the opportunities to do the things that I am doing; to work for amazing people; to live with amazing people; and to be surrounded by wonderful things and places. Life still tastes pretty sweet, and I don't think money could pay for half the good things in my life right now. The things I value most don't even have a monetary value. And that is how things will stay.

So, with love. Until next time, G xx


Some images of things that are great!

Updates from the family back home.

The best job ever!

Babysitting - reminding me there is no rush to have kids yet!

Warmer weather and spontaneous outings.

Friends and housemates - old and new.

Caring for the care worker ( and people in general )

Everyone needs a bit of love and affection every now and then. Everyone needs to feel appreciated. Everyone needs to be reminded they are important and needed. But at the very least everyone needs to be acknowledged. Something I have noticed from being a care worker is that the carers are often just sort of in the background, somewhat invisible. We (society) seem to have this way of over-compensating when it comes to disabled people. What should be common curtesy towards everyone seems, at times, to be non-existent for us, as care workers and completely over the top, to the point where is seems insincere to disabled people. Obviously, that is a massive generalisation. But there have been numerous times when I've felt like I'm invisible, or like I am a maid or someone to be seen and not heard. I can imagine what it would be like to be an assistant, or a friend or a colleague of a high profile person. Things would not get done without these people, but they are so often forgotten or ignored. Cleaners, shop assistants, waitresses, bar staff, PA's, rubbish collectors.. In Japan, if you are employed, you are automatically respected. You are giving back to society. It doesn't matter if you're a high flying CEO or a street sweeper. Your job is important. Your role is integral to the functioning of everyday life.

This is not something I have only become aware of through care work, but it was not something I expected to feel. When I was working in the hospitality industry there were times when I felt like I was not good enough because I was clearing plates away or washing dishes or mopping floors. But (unfortunately) that is not an uncommon feeling amongst those working in that industry. As I was saying, we over-compensate. We feel that we have to be overly nice to disabled people (which is great, we should be friendly and caring). But why should that attitude cease to exist with the rest of the population. We should treat everyone with respect, regardless of ability, gender, job, religion, skin colour, etc etc etc! A smile goes a long way. So does a compliment. Or inclusion in a conversation!

I only really got thinking about this today when I was getting cups of tea for the couple I work for in the cafe we go to each week. We go there so often that all of the staff know us, they know how they like their tea, they always say a big hello to us (and I presumed I was included in that). Today, the tea cups were a bit too full, so I went to tip some out. One of the women apologised to me saying that she knows how they usually have it but didn't realise it was for them because she only saw me. I have ordered their tea on countless occasions. I guess it is a petty thing to be annoyed about, so I'm not annoyed. I'm merely observing.

When bumping into their friends in the street, or going to the bank I feel ignored. I felt ignored when we went to the Haemophilia Centre and saw the doctors and nurses. I'm just another PA. I make a point of thanking people, and saying goodbye, but they're already looking at their computer screen or paperwork again. I don't think the teller in the bank has ever made eye contact with me despite my efforts to engage.

Perhaps I am only feeling this because I'm feeling a bit invisible in general right now. A bit unnoticed. It's funny. I am more active and busy right now than I have been for a while, but I have to be because I don't feel like I am getting much out of certain other areas of my life. I am working a lot (three jobs), I am studying Spanish, I am teaching myself the Ukulele and finally feeling like I am getting somewhere with it. I am organised with my food, and my room and my money. I am enjoying this immensely. But there is also a part of me that is deeply lonely. My Mum is the only one who I feel genuinely cares about how my day was, and we speak on a daily basis. I am blessed to be so close with her, and to be able to keep in contact with her so regularly.

I am finding myself spending an increasing amount of time in my room with the door shut, simply because I am afraid of going outside and being boring. I don't want to talk to people and tell them how my day was because, to tell you the truth, I don't think they care. I look forward to going to work, because with my couple, I feel truly appreciated and anything I am unhappy about disappears. I don't necessarily want to be doing extraordinary things each day. I am quite happy being ordinary. I get a lot of joy and satisfaction out of being ordinary and doing ordinary things.

And so I will continue. I will enjoy my extra-ordinary life and not worry about anything else. I am learning to nourish myself, educate myself, occupy myself, enjoy my own company and not depend on other people for my happiness and contentedness. (Although it can and does still effect how I feel, I don't rely on it.)

And on that note, I am going to sign off.

Love and warmth, xx

where my life is at || care work

I go through waves of being insanely busy and then having a lot of spare time. When I'm busy I often get more done - hence why I am now writing another post. Lots has been happening. I feel that every time I write a new post I start by saying that I've been busy and things have been changing - but that's life. So I'll just catch you up on the past month quickly, and then I want to focus more on something close to my heart - my job.

Walking in Lewes

Refreshing

Walking in Lewes

Since last time I wrote I have been to Austria and caught up with an old primary school friend; made new friends and talked about the possibility of setting up a vegan food business; watched new love flourish; made more time for yoga and meditation in my life; been on a very long walk; gone skinny dipping TWICE; started learning how to fix my bikes at Brighton's Circus Street Bike Hub; volunteered at VegFest started Woodcraft Folk again; started trying to set up a local six-a-side competition…just to list a few things.

Skiing in Lech am Arlberg, Austria

Blessed with a beautiful sunset on my first night in Lech

Care Work

Doing care work was not something I ever really considered, but I am so glad I decided to give it a go because it is such a wonderful, fulfilling job. I really couldn't complain about anything, except that the trains seem to be delayed, late or cancelled more often than not! Thankfully the couple I care for are very understanding and it is not such a problem.

My job involves cooking, cleaning, chair pushing, administrative duties, help with shopping, assistance on outings, washing clothes, organising medication. But you know what, that's just the job description. That isn't even half of it. There is laughter, there are cuddles, there is eating, there are outings, there's cheekiness, cups of tea, crude jokes and there's more care than you would think - from all of us. There is friendship. These guys are my friends. And the care and love I feel for them was unexpected. But beautiful. And I am beyond grateful.

There are little things that we do, little things that happen, that remind me how lucky I am to be in their lives. To play a part, to enjoy their happiness, to feel their pain and frustration and help them through it, to try to understand things from their point of view. Its such a blessing.

She and I have girl talks together. And she tells me things that you would tell a best friend. She lets me in on secrets, explains her feelings and things that she is missing out on, or things that she is lucky enough to be part of. (Although I would like to go into detail about these things, I don't feel it is appropriate to divulge anything personal. But you would probably understand the situation more if you were to know.) And her laughter is contagious. Her excitement. And her brain. She has the most incredible memory. She is better than any calendar or diary. I'm blown away. Her positivity and her care is inspirational. (And I don't use that word lightly.)

He and I go into town together. Him in his electric wheelchair, up the hill. Me cycling beside him. Him beeping his horn and flashing his lights. Me ringing my bell. Just like naughty school kids. We're little rebels. His sense of humour is just terrible. I was missing my Dad's jokes; not anymore! They are just the worst, cringe-worthy! And brilliant. The way he laughs when he tells a bad joke, so cheeky. His memory is shocking. Sometimes he can't even remember what he asked me to put on his sandwich! But that is why they work so well together. He calms her down when she gets stressed or anxious. He makes her laugh. And that is why they work so well together.

I am filled with joy when I go to work. I didn't think I would say that about work. There have been times when I've gone to work in a bad mood and come home feeling so happy and refreshed because they make it so enjoyable and remind me that there is no time for being moody when you're surrounded by such happiness! This job is so rewarding. So fulfilling. And there are days where I feel like I  get more out of it than they do.

So thank you guys. For opening my eyes, and including me in your lives. My time with you is precious. I hope to make many more happy memories with you.

Much love x

Seven Months Away From Home

Well, I've been overseas for just over seven months now. Still enjoying it immensely, but starting to miss home. And perhaps appreciate it a bit more. Appreciate unexpected things. I'm really missing familiarity and safety. But its funny what I associate with familiarity and safety.  More than anything I just want to go home and have my Mum cook for me, nothing beats a feast cooked by her. And I want to sit with her on the couch, sewing or stitching or knitting, and watching TV.. Grand Designs, New Tricks, Doc Martin.. (Funnily enough, all English programs!) We don't have a TV in our house here, which is nice. But sometimes it is also nice to just veg out.



I want to go for a walk with my Dad along the creek and to the dam. And I want him to make ridiculous Dad jokes. I want to see that look on his face where we know he's just about to make a joke, his mind is ticking over, checking it. I want to cuddle my nieces and nephews who are growing up faster than I can comprehend. I want to go for a drive along the country roads I know so well. I want to appreciate the mountains that surround my house. I want to hear the thud and beat of hooves as the horses gallop over the hill. I want to sit in the warmth on the grass in my backyard, looking out across the valley, listening to the breeze rustling through the banana leaves. I want to climb the fig tree - something that always takes me back to feeling like a child again.

I want to walk to our workshop and just look. Look at all the things. The shelves of glass bottles and broken toys and dried insects. Bags of clay waiting to be used. Pegs. Colourful pegs. I want to appreciate the handmade birds hanging from the ceiling, gathering dust. They've been there as long as I can remember - twenty years. I used to sit under them in my cot while my Mum painted and engraved. The print hanging on the door. I want to hear the ceiling creaking and cracking as it expands in the heat
in the middle of the day.

I want to hear my neighbour and her dogs walk past to check the cows. I want to smell the jasmine that grows on our fence. I want to go outside and hear nothing. Nothing but life. Birds. Cows. Or nothing. Some days there is complete silence. I want to drive to general store on a Saturday morning and get the newspapers and fresh bread rolls for breakfast..


I want. I want. I want.

I want to appreciate. And I am. And somehow, part of me actually feels it too.


So it's okay. Because today, being here, is so special and comforting and safe and familiar in its own way. And I love it. And I love the people. And I love the food! And I love the unknown. What will happen next?

I love Brighton!