i'm settled. fortunate. content. ready.

part one:

so it's been 10 days. gosh, only 10 days! i've been busy. i moved out of the hostel and into the house, which is very exciting. i got a mattress for £10 from a place called Shabitat (aka Magpie Recycling) on Lewes Road. i got a duvet, a pillow & some sheets, and i treated myself to a nice blanket made from recycled plastic fibres, sounds uncomfortable but it is so amazingly snuggly and warm. i've been to job trials and interviews. and i have been successful. i have got a job working as a street fundraiser for greenpeace uk. i have training in London next wednesday, and then it is a monday to friday job in and around brighton. this is exciting and a little bit daunting for me. but i'm happy. 

i went to London and saw the cat empire play at the o2 academy, brixton, with my housemate ren. they were amazing, and it was really lovely to see them perform with ren, who loves their music as much as i do. we talked about it on the train home early the next morning, all its elements, what makes it great, their obvious passion for song writing and performance. the energy they have on the stage. the light show and all the work that goes into making the performance what it is: spectacular! it makes me miss my brother a bit. i always think of him when i hear the cat empire playing live. such exciting memories of those performances we went to together. i'm sure we will go to some more in the future..

circus - and a deeper understanding of life. i met faezeh through jem, a friend of luke's. we played around in the pavillion gardens last week, doing some acro & various other circusy things. then we attended a circus class together last friday. we caught the bus and walked to this plain old brick church in a sort of industrial area - and then inside it was crammed with mats, trampolines, gymnastics equipment... i discovered that my handstand is all wrong - my shape is terrible. my muscles are not strong enough and i am not balanced. and that is fine, good even. i have something to really work towards. practice practice practice. the other students in the class were amazing. just average people, they didn't look exceptionally fit or flexible at first glance, but they were incredible. i would've been quite happy to sit there and watch. i almost didn't want to try anything! but i will get my fitness up and one day i will feel that we are at the same level. i have to look at it as a goal. i feel like the more i realise that there are things i cant do, the more i want to give them a go, and learn and practice and succeed, or fail, but at least experience them. i think that is probably a dang good thing really. i think that is becoming my goal for every aspect of my life. jobs. food. circus. map reading! i just have to put myself out there, and it will pay off - i am already seeing that. i also think it is a bit easier because i am feeling content, being in such an accepting and supportive group of people... it is very natural. everything is natural. natural. its a word that keeps popping up in everything i think about, or examine or analyse. the people i am around are natural. i'm in a place where being natural is accepted, encouraged. 

sometimes i do feel very young, and naive, and inexperienced. i am young. sometimes i feel like a fraud, like the words i say or the way i live my life isn't real or true. but that is because i am not 100% totally sure about myself, and my views and opinions. and i might never be. i mean, who am i? who the hell am i? there will always be doubts. i am living with people who are older and have had such interesting and soulful experiences and adventures. i have to keep reminding myself that when i am their age, i will be able to look back on this period of my life in the same way they describe their early 20s to me. it is a scary and brilliant time, with lots of exploring. every day i am challenged - i think about the world, i think about myself, and what i am doing in this world. and what i can do, and should do, and will do. my obligations, my responsibilities. my wants. my needs. things i'm greedy about. things i don't take enough notice of. things i care about too much. my priorities. my decisions. my choices. things i've missed out on. things i regret. things i plan to do. there is a lot to think about. 

i am in a hugely uncertain time in my life. and that is good. i am enjoying the uncertainty, because although it is uncertain, it is still safe. it is uncertain on my terms. i have the power to make it anything i want it to be. i have been reading about the greenpeace activists who are currently incarcerated in a russian prison on hooliganism charges (just down graded from piracy), and they are facing 7 years behind bars. now that is uncertainty. and it is certainly not on their terms. they can fight, and they will, but it is not their decision. and that is scary. i feel comfort knowing that i am in control. and that makes me want to help. i have power. i have a voice. i am in control. i can and will make mistakes, but what kind of mistakes will they be..?

part two:

some words that sum up my life right now:

natural - everything is okay, its organic, there is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about

nourishing - the food, the people, the conversation, the atmosphere

free - i am holding my world in my hands, and i can do anything with it

educational - but just in the sense that everything is new and i am learning and changing and opening my eyes, and having my eyes opened by others, i am understanding, and seeing things from different perspectives. and i am open to this, finally!

real - this is not a dream, it is real, this is life and life is what you make it, and i am doing my best to make it beautiful and worthwhile 
fortunate - im so blessed, so lucky to be where i am. thank you to my family, my friends, a higher power?
content - on seeing/hearing that i am content my 'sister' said that it is "the best - happiness comes and goes, but contentment is a deeper 'good' feeling". she is right. i am content, right this moment. i am feeling quite neutral. neither happy nor sad. just content.

part three:

some words from my first night in the house.

Today I (officially) moved out of the hostel and into the share house I have been raving on about. It is quiet. Not sound quiet, but people quiet - movement quiet. There’s always noise and rhythm and singing and rapping coming from Ren’s room next door to mine, but it is sort of private, contained. Whereas at the hostel, even if no one else is around, it feels full, which it is. It’s not to say that it is a let down, or that I am unhappy being in the house, because that is certainly not the case. It was just the first time that I have been alone, just with my thoughts, in a couple of weeks. I got my stuff into the room, it was in a pile on the floor. And then, I just sat there for a good 20 minutes, not really thinking about anything in particular. But I couldn’t help but feel sadness. Its like taking a big deep breath when you haven’t taken one for a while. It is refreshing. I sat thinking about how the past couple of weeks have flown by. I cannot believe how quickly I adapted to life in the hostel, how friendships were cemented in those first few days, and how much I will miss being there, despite it being cramped, despite there being very little privacy. And now, here is another huge change. And its crazy really, when you think about it. But it feels good. It feels great. It is exciting and scary and unbelievable. 

My faith in people, in human kind has really been restored. People are beautiful and kind. They care. They trust. You know that a hug can say so much. And the people I have been meeting give good hugs. My brother has a certain way of hugging where you can just sink and feel totally comfortable and safe and lose track of all your thoughts. His hug is a special kind of hug. And then I met 2 people in particular here, who give that same kind of hug. Not exactly the same - but it felt like home. There is this touch of their hands where you just feel accepted and comfortable. It is beyond words - I cannot express it in words. It is a feeling. It puts a smile on my face. It is nice to have an arm around your shoulder...

part four:

Lastly I have written my impressions of everyone I have met so far - I do not intend to publish them without their permission. But here is one for you Pedro, thank you!

I was blessed to meet Pedro Ventura (yes that is his name). He took me to buy a towel on my first day at the hostel. I was an emotional wreck - I could not speak as I would cry. But he took me out. And I got my towel. And we got coffee. And we chatted. We talked about politics and how terrible they can be. We talked about education, and compared the systems in Australia and Portugal. We talked about rich people, and how money is such a waste. And you wouldn’t think we would have a conversation like that, because there is rarely a serious moment with Pedro now. His laugh is truly contagious. And usually whatever bollocks is coming out of his mouth is hilarious, there is always giggles and laughs with Pedro because he is “the best”..

i am very much enjoying writing again. i used to love writing, and then i lost it for a while. words are fascinating. putting a sentence together is thrilling. making a point, explaining something. telling a story. describing, documenting. i love it. thank you for reading. 

an update.

FIRSTLY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMA BEAR!

Missing you! I love you! xxxxxxxx

So many things have happened in the last couple of weeks - in fact, it has not even been two weeks yet. I have been very busy, which is lovely. I went and saw San Cisco play at The Haunt the other night, with a lovely girl from Western Australia who is staying at the hostel. I went to a gay bar for the first time. Hung out at a place called Cranks which is a volunteer run, DIY bicycle repair place. Got lost a few times. I have been applying for jobs, and have a trial next week at a little cafe. I am currently in the process of moving into an awesome share house with the most fantastic, welcoming and beautiful group of people.  I feel like I have been here, living in Brighton, for months. I have friends who I feel like I've known for ages, both at the hostel I've been living in, and in the house I'm about to move into. I feel so blessed to have met these people. 

I'm so happy to be moving into this house! Yesterday we sat together, on the floor, eating home made pancakes for breakfast, and organised everything. It is so wonderful to be surrounded by people with the same ideas and views as me. We're getting a compost bin, we would like to sit down and have a meal together at least once a week, we want to use environmentally friendly cleaning products, we want to use less power, support local farmers, bulk buy vegie boxes... Things that I have been brought up doing. It is so nice to be around people who understand that this is the norm, and it isn't as hard as you think. In fact, it isn't really that hard at all. 

We spent the day charity shopping and searching the local street markets for cutlery and mugs and various other house related things. These guys are serious bargain hunters. I've got a lot to learn. It is a bit difficult not having a car.. it makes it hard to transport things. Yesterday we had to get a taxi to move a desk, clothes rack, garbage bin, book shelf and a basket full of my clothes and a toaster back to the house... But the house is close so at least the cost isn't too much of an issue.. I'm looking forward to decorating my room - I have acquired a collection of postcards from around the world on my travels. A bit of blue tack and we're sorted. I'm still trying to find a mattress, a duvet, blankets, pillows...etc. But I am still in the hostel for a few days so I'm not sleeping on the floor just yet... 

It is all very exciting. And funny. There has been lots of laughter along the way. Funny things have happened, embarrassing things have happened. And it has been really nice to share these moments, and laugh together. From having stacks on bikes, to being rejected when offering to share my umbrella with someone, to being almost attacked by a dog in a busy cafe. 

Without sounding lame or fake or like I am bragging, I really am feeling so lucky every day. I am lucky to have met the guys in the park. I'm lucky they asked me to move in with them. I'm lucky to have been introduced to their friends. I'm lucky to have met the people at hostel and formed such close relationships with them so quickly. I'm lucky to be able to talk with my family even though they're so far away. And, I am so bloody lucky to be alive and living in this world.

San Cisco

i've arrived!

I have arrived in Brighton after 2 months of travelling around Japan and Europe with Mum and Dad. I'm staying in a hostel in the middle of Brighton with a bunch of really cool people - from Spain, Portugal, Germany, England, Australia..etc etc. I'm settling in after a fairly rough and emotional start, looking for work and a good time!!

We had a fabulous 2 weeks in Japan, moving around to various different places, visiting friends and exploring wonderful places (there are too many!!) We landed in Osaka, visited Fukuoka, Koishiwara, Saga, Kyoto, Tokyo and a little place called Izu Peninsular with our friend Toru.

Next we flew to Aberdeen, Scotland, via Germany. I got the train back to England to visit my friend and Mum and Dad drove way up North to Lybster where Mum was teaching. After one week I came to Lybster too, via Inverness where Dad picked me up off the train. Dad and I enjoyed a week by the sea in a place called Sea Otter Cottage in Ackergill, while Mum worked and worked and worked! Dad and I visited the Orkney Islands, Thurso, Castletown and John O'Groats (the most Northerly point of the UK mainland).

When Mum's conference was over, the real holiday began. We drove to Glasgow, where we stayed in a fantastic renovated tenement house, and then to Brighton via the Lakes District (stopping for overnight stays in a few little towns - Tirril being one). We stayed in Brighton for a few days, to suss it out for me, before getting the train to London where we stayed in a cramped little flat in Camden (a great central location). Our days were filled finding a hair dresser for me (my dreadlocks are gone!) and visiting galleries and museums (V&A, Tate Modern). We also caught up with a friend who was at the conference with Mum. She lives in the Barbican and has a spectacular view of London from her apartment on the 26th floor.

After London, we headed to Amsterdam on a ship across the English Channel. We had wonderful cabins and comfortable beds. We thought that they were so spacious compared to the flat in London which seemed so much smaller and more cramped. Even the bathroom was better - we had HOT showers and RUNNING water, which was a welcome change from cold showers with no water pressure!

We arrived in Amsterdam early in the morning and had breakfast on the ship before disembarking. We caught the train to Amsterdam from the ship terminal, and then a tram to the flat we were staying in, where we climbed up three stories of tight stairs to our room, which was so open and spacious, and had a lovely balcony too.

In Amsterdam there were great places to eat and plenty of galleries and museums to visit, but with our limited amount of time we didn't think it was worth the 15+ Euro entry fee and we wandered around exploring instead. Of course, we had to go on a boat on the canals which was a fabulous way to view the city. We witnessed a big street march which was noisy and disruptive and downright brilliant, and we agreed that it was more exciting than visiting the galleries and museums instead. And it was free! Dad took the opportunity to take photographs of the people marching which he really enjoyed.

From Amsterdam, we headed to Paris. But not without problems - I managed to leave my bag on a tram just as we were going to catch our train to Paris. Nothing essential or really valuable was lost but all the souvenirs I had collected and made for everyone over the course of our journey were gone - and despite my efforts to locate the bag since, it has not been found! They are sentimentally valuable which can seem more upsetting! 

But Paris... onto better things! Paris is a crazy city, beautiful but totally mad. We stayed in another small flat, but again we had a fantastic central location, just a quick walk from the Sacre-Couer! We watched sunrise and sunset up there, which was beautiful. Of course we visited the Arc de Triumph and the Eiffel Tower, which are beautiful. But we were more amazed with how the traffic use the Arc de Triumph as a roundabout - there seems to be no rules, as many lanes as you wish and as much beeping of your horn as you want. Watching the road rage was fantastic! We were lucky enough to visit another friend of Mum's whom she met at the conference in Scotland. She invited us to dinner at her house - coincidentally just around the corner from where were staying. Her house and art studio were just beautiful (although Pigalle, the area they live in is quite rough in parts). We had to walk past an uncountable amount of gentleman's clubs and sex shops to get there - and we decided to get a taxi home!

From Paris we caught the train to Germany where were stayed in our friend's studio, just next to their flat in Frankfurt. We have not properly caught up in years, so it was wonderful. We were right in the heart of the museum and gallery area so everyday we visited a new place - viewing incredible works by some amazing (and famous) artists (Goethe, Vermeer, etc) which made Mum and Dad very happy - and even I enjoyed it too!

Mum and Dad left for New York before I left - so there was an emotional farewell! And a couple of days after I caught the train back to London. There were many complications from the train being late to having 5 changes instead of one, to having 10 minutes to get through border security instead of 1.5 hours, but I managed to catch my connecting train in Brussels and make it to London. I was able to navigate the London underground, making no mistakes, and get the train to Brighton. I was very proud of myself!

The first couple of days in Brighton were hard, and I had many doubts about whether or not I wanted to do this and if I was capable of being away from home and my family for so long. But being in the hostel has been good, I've been welcomed into the family, and I'm no longer the new girl so I'm feeling much better. I've joined the library and am looking to start yoga classes. I'm currently hunting for a job - just like everyone else here. So the support is good. Everyone understands. I'm in a room with 3 other girls, who are lovely.

So things are looking up. Brighton is fabulous for vegan food, as I knew. There is always something happening here, whether it be a vegie/farmers market or a vintage fair, a live band playing or just a night out dancing at one of the many bars and clubs. I think the hard part will be saying 'No, I can't go out tonight!'

I'm super excited for all that lies ahead, despite missing everyone desperately. My heart aches when I think of home, or see pictures of what I'm missing. But I have nothing to complain about here - a roof over my head, a fabulous and weird 'family' and a world of opportunity and adventure in front of me. I'm meeting new people everyday and making friends. Brighton is a very accepting place, in every way. 

I met some wonderful people a couple of days ago and you would think we've known each other for years. I even have to remind myself. Last night I had my first real home cooked meal in months. We sat around the table, talking and eating like a family. I found this very special, I'm blessed to have been so readily accepted into this group. I have found that people will go out of their way to help you out and make you feel at home. There is really nothing I could possibly complain about here. I am very comfortable. And thankful.  Music plays, incense burns, food is cooked, and eaten and enjoyed. Washing up is done by hand, and there is conversation. There is laughter. There is friendship. Bliss.

London

Paris

Amsterdam

Brighton

Ackergill

John O'Groats

Frankfurt