Everyone needs a bit of love and affection every now and then. Everyone needs to feel appreciated. Everyone needs to be reminded they are important and needed. But at the very least everyone needs to be acknowledged. Something I have noticed from being a care worker is that the carers are often just sort of in the background, somewhat invisible. We (society) seem to have this way of over-compensating when it comes to disabled people. What should be common curtesy towards everyone seems, at times, to be non-existent for us, as care workers and completely over the top, to the point where is seems insincere to disabled people. Obviously, that is a massive generalisation. But there have been numerous times when I've felt like I'm invisible, or like I am a maid or someone to be seen and not heard. I can imagine what it would be like to be an assistant, or a friend or a colleague of a high profile person. Things would not get done without these people, but they are so often forgotten or ignored. Cleaners, shop assistants, waitresses, bar staff, PA's, rubbish collectors.. In Japan, if you are employed, you are automatically respected. You are giving back to society. It doesn't matter if you're a high flying CEO or a street sweeper. Your job is important. Your role is integral to the functioning of everyday life.
This is not something I have only become aware of through care work, but it was not something I expected to feel. When I was working in the hospitality industry there were times when I felt like I was not good enough because I was clearing plates away or washing dishes or mopping floors. But (unfortunately) that is not an uncommon feeling amongst those working in that industry. As I was saying, we over-compensate. We feel that we have to be overly nice to disabled people (which is great, we should be friendly and caring). But why should that attitude cease to exist with the rest of the population. We should treat everyone with respect, regardless of ability, gender, job, religion, skin colour, etc etc etc! A smile goes a long way. So does a compliment. Or inclusion in a conversation!
I only really got thinking about this today when I was getting cups of tea for the couple I work for in the cafe we go to each week. We go there so often that all of the staff know us, they know how they like their tea, they always say a big hello to us (and I presumed I was included in that). Today, the tea cups were a bit too full, so I went to tip some out. One of the women apologised to me saying that she knows how they usually have it but didn't realise it was for them because she only saw me. I have ordered their tea on countless occasions. I guess it is a petty thing to be annoyed about, so I'm not annoyed. I'm merely observing.
When bumping into their friends in the street, or going to the bank I feel ignored. I felt ignored when we went to the Haemophilia Centre and saw the doctors and nurses. I'm just another PA. I make a point of thanking people, and saying goodbye, but they're already looking at their computer screen or paperwork again. I don't think the teller in the bank has ever made eye contact with me despite my efforts to engage.
Perhaps I am only feeling this because I'm feeling a bit invisible in general right now. A bit unnoticed. It's funny. I am more active and busy right now than I have been for a while, but I have to be because I don't feel like I am getting much out of certain other areas of my life. I am working a lot (three jobs), I am studying Spanish, I am teaching myself the Ukulele and finally feeling like I am getting somewhere with it. I am organised with my food, and my room and my money. I am enjoying this immensely. But there is also a part of me that is deeply lonely. My Mum is the only one who I feel genuinely cares about how my day was, and we speak on a daily basis. I am blessed to be so close with her, and to be able to keep in contact with her so regularly.
I am finding myself spending an increasing amount of time in my room with the door shut, simply because I am afraid of going outside and being boring. I don't want to talk to people and tell them how my day was because, to tell you the truth, I don't think they care. I look forward to going to work, because with my couple, I feel truly appreciated and anything I am unhappy about disappears. I don't necessarily want to be doing extraordinary things each day. I am quite happy being ordinary. I get a lot of joy and satisfaction out of being ordinary and doing ordinary things.
And so I will continue. I will enjoy my extra-ordinary life and not worry about anything else. I am learning to nourish myself, educate myself, occupy myself, enjoy my own company and not depend on other people for my happiness and contentedness. (Although it can and does still effect how I feel, I don't rely on it.)
And on that note, I am going to sign off.
Love and warmth, xx
No comments:
Post a Comment